November 05, 2009
The Marriage Index: Establishing and Tracking Leading Marriage Indicators
The Institute for American Values and the National Center on African American Marriages and Parenting have partnered to establish The Marriage Index, a metric designed to measure the health of American marriages (not unlike how the Leading Economic Index put out by The Conference Board watches economic trends. Dr. Albert Mohler explains:
The Marriage Index is based on solid data and includes five major components: the percentage of adults ages 20-54 who are married, the percentage of married persons who are "very happy" with their marriage, the percentage of first marriages that are intact, the percentage of births to married parents, and the percentage of children living with their own married parents.Some data Dr. Mohler sites from the 2008 Marriage Index report:
1. In 1970, 78.6 percent of adults age 20-54 were married. In 2008, it dropped to 57.2 percent. That's a huge decline (over 25%).Read the rest of Dr. Mohler's observations, or read the 36-page 2008 Marriage Index report.2. In 1970, 67% of married Americans reported that their union was "very happy." Today, the figure is 62%. A modest decline, but consider that many who are not happy more easily divorce today.
3. In 1970, 77.4 percent of first marriages were intact, but only 61.2 percent were intact in 2007. About a 20% decline.
4. Today, only 60.3 percent of all babies are born to married couples, compared to 89.3 percent in 1970. Wow. Breathtaking, when you think about the disadvantages children born out of wedlock inevitably experience.
5. In 1970, 68.7 percent of all children lived with their own mother and father. In 2007, that percentage had dropped to 61.0.
September 12, 2009
A Balanced View on Singleness & The Gift of Celibacy
Years ago I was involved in the debate over what some call "the gift of singleness." Some tend to think of the gift of singleness as the state of singleness: to be single, is to have the gift. I wholeheartedly disagree. I think it is better to differentiate between a gift for celibacy and the state of singleness. Not all who are in the state of singleness are gifted to remain there--though, of course, celibacy is the biblical requirement of all singles. Which is one of the reasons most of them should marry (I Cor. 7:9). As I wrote in a 2006 essay:
[The gift of celibacy] is a rare gift that is accompanied by a Spirit-endowed ability to cheerfully and without bitterness or rancor abstain from sexual intimacy and the deep emotional companionship that only comes with marriage and having children. In many cases, I believe this is accompanied with a particular life calling that greatly profits from the status of singleness (e.g., missions, a life-threatening vocation, excessive traveling, etc.).On the other hand, a comprehensive view of singleness has to answer questions like: What about the person who wants to marry, tries to marry, and is repeatedly unsuccessful? Should we ever exhort others to pursue marriage, or is that a nosey intrusion on a purely personal decision? And if it is possible have too little motivation to marry, can one want marriage too much?
These are the sorts of questions I try to address in an article published today called A Balanced View of Singleness. My conclusions:
An essential aspect of loving singles is being open to helping them in the process toward marriage, while recognizing:Check it out.* our relationship with Christ is more important than our marital state
* some singles are uniquely gifted to remain single for greater kingdom effectiveness
* many singles struggle profoundly with loneliness, lust, fornication, and the like, and welcome (or should welcome) loving, gracious, and balanced input on the process toward marriage from Christians who care about their souls and their bodies
* for most, marriage will be a means of profound sanctification, and they ought to responsibly (and diligently) move in this direction even as they embrace other adult responsibilities
* just as God ordains the ends, He ordains the means. The means may include overcoming your fear and telling a girl how you feel. They may include giving a guy a chance, even though you grew up seeing your parents go through a divorce, and you've closed your heart like a shell.
September 03, 2009
The Case For Early Marriage - Mark Regnerus
Mark Regnerus, Ph.D., is an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin, where he lives with his wife, Deeann, and their three children. He has written a fantastic article for Christianity Today called The Case For Early Marriage. It encapsulates one of the central messages of With One Voice: the biblical association of intimacy with marriage, along with the formative and stabilizing benefits of marriage, suggest that its preferable to enter the lifelong bond early in the adult years, not later. After addressing the devaluing of marriage in our culture (which is a greater problem and probably a precursor to the rising acceptance of same-sex marriage), Regnerus addresses the "elephant in the room"--the relative absence of Christian men:
Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men....Regnerus notes that though we tell young people marriage is a "big deal" ("don't rush into a relationship" or "first loves aren't likely the best fit" or "you have plenty of time"), we fail to mentor them about the rigors that any marriage will invariably face. Young adults therefore underestimate the role that commitment plays, as opposed to romantic feelings, which "may lead us out of a marriage as quickly as they lead us into one." Citing the troubling statistic that 90% of Americans engage in premarital sex (a number slightly lower among Christians - 80%), Regnerus explains:Given this unfavorable ratio, and the plain fact that men are, on average, ready for sex earlier in relationships than women are, many young Christian women are being left with a dilemma: either commence a sexual relationship with a decent, marriage-minded man before she would prefer to—almost certainly before marriage—or risk the real possibility that, in holding out for a godly, chaste, uncommon man, she will wait a lot longer than she would like. Plenty will wait so long as to put their fertility in jeopardy. By that time, the pool of available men is hardly the cream of the crop—and rarely chaste.....
Men get the idea that they can indeed find the ideal woman if they are patient enough. Life expectancies nearing 80 years prompt many to dabble with relationships in their 20s rather than commit to a life of "the same thing" for such a long time. Men have few compelling reasons to mature quickly. Marriage seems an unnecessary risk to many of them, even Christians. Sex seldom requires such a steep commitment.
As a result, many men postpone growing up. Even their workplace performance is suffering: earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971, even after accounting for inflation. No wonder young women marry men who are on average at least two years older than they. Unfortunately, a key developmental institution for men—marriage—is the very thing being postponed, thus perpetuating their adolescence.
Most young Americans no longer think of marriage as a formative institution, but rather as the institution they enter once they think they are fully formed. Increasing numbers of young evangelicals think likewise, and, by integrating these ideas with the timeless imperative to abstain from sex before marriage, we've created a new optimal life formula for our children: Marriage is glorious, and a big deal. But it must wait. And with it, sex. Which is seldom as patient.He then spends the rest of the article responding to five objections to early marriage:
(1) Economic insecurity
(2) Immaturity
(3) A Poor Match
(4) Marrying for Sex
(5) Unrealistic expectations
Read the whole thing. Extremely provocative and an important, timely message.
Regnerus is the author of Forbidden Fruit: Sex & Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers
July 30, 2009
The Altar: Not the Finish Line
Boundless has published a new essay I wrote called The Altar: Not the Finish Line. The opening:
I am convinced that for most men, a godly wife will bring blessings that nothing else can. But those blessings are not secured without hard work. I'm talking about the inevitable adjustments which all successful marriages require.Here's the rest.Marriage is not about two single people moving into one house but otherwise continuing to live their lives as before. Marriage is about the complete unification of two very different individuals — two sinners who, no matter how strong their attraction to one another, no matter how strong their Christian commitment, will get on one another's nerves in the years to come in ways no other person will.
Survival depends on making adjustments — changes, compromises, sacrifices. But here's the thing, guys: The more you are aware that adjustments must be made, that you will need to be flexible, the easier it will be to move quickly to compromise and together define how your new family will operate. That's the good news. The bad news is that the more rigid you are, the more you fight for things to be exactly as you always expected them to be, the more work it will be to break bad habits and heal relational damage.
July 26, 2009
Is The Gay Marriage Debate Over?
Mark Gali, writing for Christianity Today, explores how an individualistic worldview compromises the Christian witness on the issue of heterosexual marriage. He makes many of the points that I've raised here (see my posts citing Maggie Gallagher) and in With One Voice, citing folks like David Blankenhorn (particularly on the societal implications of marriage). The article is also a good, brief overview of the history of the legal battles in the USA on this matter.
Excerpts of Gali's article:
"While stopping short of abortion, we have not given much thought to our easy acceptance of artificial contraception. I’m not arguing for or against contraception here, only pointing to the reality that contraception has separated sex from procreation. That, in turn, has prompted most couples, evangelicals included, to think that sex is first and foremost a fulfilling psychological and physical experience, that a couple has a right to enjoy themselves for a few years before they settle down to family life."HT: Denny Burk"In essence, we have already redefined marriage as an institution designed for personal happiness. . .
We cannot very well argue for the sanctity of marriage as a crucial social institution while we blithely go about divorcing and approving of remarriage at a rate that destabilizes marriage. We cannot say that an institution, like the state, has a perfect right to insist on certain values and behavior from its citizens while we refuse to submit to denominational or local church authority. We cannot tell gay couples that marriage is about something much larger than self-fulfillment when we, like the rest of heterosexual culture, delay marriage until we can experience life, and delay having children until we can enjoy each other for a few years....
In short, we have been perfect hypocrites on this issue."
July 23, 2009
Excerpt of With One Voice
The good folks at Boundless have posted an excerpt of my book With One Voice.
June 13, 2009
Sacred Marriage (Gary Thomas)
Some quotes from this very helpful book:
"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question -- stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise." -p. 21
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness. Not that God has anything against happiness, or that happiness and holiness are by nature mutually exclusive, but looking at marriage through the lens of holiness began to put it into an entirely new perspective for me." -pp. 22-23
"...some of us ask too much of marriage. We want to get the largest portion of our life's fulfillment from our relationship with our spouse. That's asking too much. Yes, without a doubt there should be moments of happiness, meaning, and a general sense of fulfillment. But my wife can't be God, and I was created with a spirit that craves God. Anything less than God, and I'll feel an ache." -pp. 25-26
"One of the cruelest and most self-condemning remarks I've ever heard is the one that men often use when they leave their wives for another woman: 'The truth is, I've never loved you.' This is meant to be an attack on the wife--saying in effect, 'The truth is, I've never found you lovable.' But put in a Christian context, it's a confession of the man's utter failure to be a Christian." -pp. 40-41
June 12, 2009
Preaching in Bakersfield, CA on With One Voice
I'd cover your prayers for my message this Sunday at Sovereign Grace Church of Bakersfield on the topic of With One Voice. It has been an unusually challenging week in some ways and I feel drained. I was pulling up some data related to attitudes toward marriage, and the last two slides of this 2008 report from the National Marriage Project stood out.
1. A majority (~56%) of high school seniors believe that having a child without being married is "experimenting with a worthwhile lifestyle or not affecting anyone else."
2. About 60% of high school seniors “Agreed” or “Mostly Agreed” with the statement “It Is Usually a Good Idea for a Couple to Live Together Before Getting Married in Order to Find Out Whether They Really Get Along.”
October 10, 2008
John Piper: The Ultimate Meaning of Womanhood
John Piper's message from last night entitled The Ultimate Meaning of Womanhood is now available in both MP3 audio format (free download) and in manuscript form. Pastor John is speaking at the True Woman conference. The conference organizers have unveiled a True Woman Manifesto, which Piper highly approves.
September 24, 2008
The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It
Writing for Christianity Today Magazine, Todd C. Ream and Sara C. Ream offer a brief preview of The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It
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Recent Posts
- The Marriage Index: Establishing and Tracking Leading Marriage Indicators
- A Balanced View on Singleness & The Gift of Celibacy
- The Case For Early Marriage - Mark Regnerus
- The Altar: Not the Finish Line
- Is The Gay Marriage Debate Over?
- Excerpt of With One Voice
- Sacred Marriage (Gary Thomas)
- Preaching in Bakersfield, CA on With One Voice
- John Piper: The Ultimate Meaning of Womanhood
- The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It